Ibrahim asked 3 years ago
Salam Alaikum dear scholar, I thank you for responding to my earlier question (Linked below):
It was said that “If going against their wishes causes them harm, viewed as disrespect to them in your immediate / extended family and / or in your community. It is Haram (Forbidden) and is a Sin.”
Can I please get an elaboration on what is meant by disrespect?
Its very possible that parents can view rejecting there opinion as a form of disrespect so I am wondering if you meant disrespect in regards to Allah’s obligation upon us (e.g. to deal with them in IHsan, to not yell at them, to speak to them kindly) or if them feeling that me rejecting them is disrespectful in there estimation of the meaning?
I would like to build on the current situation:
The extended family who are aware of the situation are either supporting, neutral or against based on who I ask.
The community has only been supportive due to both me and the woman I am interested in having a positive reputation and position.
I also think its important to take into consideration this is a reoccurring issue with my family in which I had interests in other women (who had good reputations and are known in the community) who my parents were disapproving of (due to there appearance, culture, family ties).
Is there any other rights due to my parents or myself I should be aware of in regards to marrying?
Once again, I thank you for your responses and Time
May Allah bless you and Salam Alaikum wa ra7mat allah wa barakatu.
The Earlier Question:
From Ibrahim:
Salam Alaikum dear respected scholars, My current situation is this:
I am interested in a woman who is a Shia Muslim Iraqi who i met at my local Mosque and am well acquainted with her, her friends, her family and the people at our local Mosque.
I am a Lebanese Shia Muslim brother who have managed to stabilize myself financially and am now able to get married and provide for a wife and a future family inshallah.
This girl had been married prior but due to constant domestic abuse and cheating from the husbands side, they officially divorced islamically. It has been more then a year since there divorce and both of them have no intentions of coming together.
The girl has a strong friendship with my cousin who is both a religious and trustworthy person.
I am having issues relating to my parents disregarding this women due to her culture being Iraqi and her previous marital status.If my parents are not accepting of the marriage but the woman in question is a respected Muslim sister.
is there any problem religiously if i am to marry her against my parents wishes?
Can I please get the answer for this in both English and Arabic?
From Mahdi:
أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
We hope this answer reaches you in good health and Islamic spirit.
Based on your specific question and information provided.
From the Islamic Jurisprudence perspective.
For a Man, the Permission for the “Marriage” from your Father / Mother is Mubah ( Optional ).
For a Man, the Permission of your Father / Mother for the actual “Marriage Contract” is Mubah ( Optional ).
If going against their wishes causes them harm, viewed as disrespect to them in your immediate / extended family and / or in your community. It is Haram (Forbidden) and is a Sin. However, you not taking their sincere advice / counsel or going against their wish / preferred option, does not impact the validity of the “Marriage Contract”.
Kindly, note that you have asked if there is a problem religiously. Islamic Scholars divide the Islamic Religious Knowledge / Teachings / Instructions in three parts.
(1) Islamic Fundamental of Faith ( Aqeeda / Belief).
(2) Islamic Ethics/Morals
(3) Islamic Fiqh / Jurisprudence. ( Law / Jurists Opinion )
The Jurist, Only gives opinion from the Legal perspective. They only inform you about the legality of an issue. Islamic Jurisprudence does not ask the “Why” question or rule on Preference of one over the other . For example why you want to marry a virgin and not a divorced person, or why you want to marry a person from one ethnicity / sect over the other nor it gives you preferred options.
It is with in the rights of the parents to give you preferred options or to ask why you are asking for an exception to what they consider to be a norm. In order to preserve the family relations and have a happy life / marriage. This requires a conversation with them in a holistic manner not only from the legality of the issue at hand.
From the Islamic Jurisprudence / Legal perspective if the opinion is Mubah ( Meaning the Legal opinion is Neutral, Optional, you are permitted / allowed to perform this action and at the same time you are permitted / allowed to refrain from it. Final decision to act or refrain or seek permission or not, is at your discretion. Your best judgement is required considering other Islamic Knowledge ( Aqeeda (Faith/belief) /Ethics), and Intention, purpose and your family guidance / Wisdom of the elders / norms of your community or any other issue that may be special to your particular situation.اَللّٰهُ أَعْلَم
(and Allah(awj) Knows best)
If you have further questions kindly contact us at (718) 297-6520 Ext 113 Monday to Saturday between 11:AM – 3:00 PM.
mehdi answered 3 years ago
أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
We hope this answer reaches you in good health and Islamic spirit.
Based on your specific question and information provided.
Since we are not aware of your entire situation and what is the actual reason your parents have rejected all of your choices. Is it the generational gap, difference in the purpose and vision of the institution of Marriage.
The below guidelines can serve as a criteria , you and your parents can agree on them to find a suitable mother for your children.
“Man should give importance to the qualities of the woman he would like to marry. He should not marry except a woman who is chaste, honourable, of good lineage, and righteous. She should be a source of help to him in the affairs of this world and the hereafter.
Man should not confine his choice to the woman’s physical beauty and wealth. It has been narrated from the Prophet (s.a.w.) that he said, “O People! Beware of the green grass [growing] in a waste site.” Someone asked, “O Messenger of Allah! And what is the green grass in a waste site?” He replied, “A beautiful woman in an evil environment.”
The Islamic Jurists provide general guidelines / opinion on issues. It is the responsibility of the Mukallaf ( the legally responsible person for action / decision) to apply the general principles to their unique situation as they see fit. If your parents view is similar to above in principle, your disregarding their parental advice can cause them harm. You ( the Mukallaf ) will be the best judge of what causes your parents discomfort, worry, stress and what is disrespect in their eyes.
.
Regarding the Emphasis on the obedience to the parents.
The emotional bond between the parents and the children is one of the greatest relationships that sustains the humanity. If they are not respected, honored and shown kindness. If this primary and natural bond is not honored in words and in action. The children’s emotional ties and connection can cease and as a result all secondary social bonds may become trivial and may unravel.
Disrespect can originate from disobedience. One of the Greater Sin is ‘Aqq Al-Walidayn ( Disobedience to Parents ), you can read the Holy Qur’an, the Exegesis / Tafsir and the books written by Islamic Scholars on Islamic Ethics.
اَللّٰهُ أَعْلَم
(and Allah(awj) Knows best)
If you have further questions kindly contact us at (718) 297-6520 Ext 113 Monday to Saturday between 11:AM – 3:00 PM.
Please login or Register to submit your answer