Syeda asked 3 years ago
Assalam U Alaikum!
I have a personal question to ask about a proposal for marriage. The thing is that the boy had demanded that he wants his wife to cover her face and I don’t that. I do hijab and cover my self properly but I just can’t cover my face I find difficult to breath but the thing is my family is pressuring me by saying things like don’t you have fear of Allah don’t you love Allah won’t you do that for Allah’s sake. My reason for not agreeing on this thing is the same that I will do that once I prepare myself to do that for sake of Allah and not because someone will marry me If I do so.But they keep on pressuring me Taking Allah’s name telling me to have fear of Allah. As far as I know Allah did Allow me to choose my spouse to say my opinion just how can I do something for a human that should be done in love of Allah. And there is more in it. I was engagement before for 3- 4 months but that engagement was unannounced no one in my relatives knows about it. I wanted my family to tell this thing to the boy and his family but they refused to do so saying it’s normal these kind of things do happen in once life. The thing is the society I live in won’t take it easy and that is the reason they are not telling it to anyone but I want at least the proposal family to know it.I had been in contact with my ex fiance during the engagement period so I feel like hiding something from future spouse. And my family is pressuring my to do what that family demands of covering my face just so he will marry me cause they did this before as well. I cried for more than 3 years for my studies my father never Did anything for me but he suddenly got me admission in a computer course because my ex fiance family demanded that. He never Allowed any contact during engagement time to my elder sisters but he Allowed me when he was pressured by my ex in laws.
Honestly speaking I can do anything for Allah but to do it forcefully so that someone will marry me I can’t do that It’s just not right.And specially when my family is using Allah’s name to blackmail me emotionally I just can’t find it right. Please guide me on me issue I want to know what are my rights that are given by Allah in chosing my spouse.
mehdi answered 3 years ago
أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
We hope this answer reaches you in good health and Islamic spirit.
Based on your specific question and information provided.
Unless there is a valid medical reason preventing you from considering the request of a face veil. It is prudent to give it a consideration. Since making your parents and spouse happy is considered a form of worship to Allah(awj), unless the request is un Islamic or causes you harm.
If this is a serious marriage proposal and you decide marriage. It is prudent to inform your future spouse of the prior engagements before he hears from someone else after the marriage.
Since we are not aware of your complete circumstances nor the value system of your family nor your culture. Based on precaution, you need to discuss the above with your Guardian ( Wali) , your Father.
There are other issues you mentioned at this point I can only provide you with general guidance.
From Islamic Fiqh / Jurisprudence / Law perspective:
Regarding Forceful Marriage: It is Haram ( Forbidden).
Regarding your Right(s) and Obligation(s): If a girl wishes to get married and she has reached the age of legal responsibility (bulūgh) and is mature (rashīdah) – meaning that she is able to determine what is in her interest – and she is a virgin, and she is not in charge of her life’s affairs, such a girl must obtain the consent of her father or grandfather. In fact, based on obligatory precaution, even if she in charge of her life’s affairs, she must still obtain their consent. The consent of her mother or brother is not necessary.
Regarding the Marriage Contract and condition(s). If you agree / give an informed consent to a condition placed by the other party you will need to abide by it.
Regarding minimum requirements of Hijab (Islamic modest dress) for a Muslim woman: Woman should conceal all her body (including arms and legs) and hair from a man who is non-Mahram, and as an obligatory precaution, she should conceal herself even from a Na-baligh boy who is able to discern between good and evil, and could probably be sexually excited. But she can leave her face and hands upto wrists uncovered in the presence of Na-Mahram, as long as it does not lead him to casting a sinful, evil glance or her to doing something forbidden; for in both these cases, she must cover them.
Regarding Engagement / Fiance ( a man to whom someone is engaged to be married ) : Until after an Islamic Marriage contract is completed, you both are still non Mahram to each other and all the rules of interactions between non Mahram are applicable.
اَللّٰهُ أَعْلَم
(and Allah(awj) Knows best)
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